Know Your Tribe, Know Your Vibe
I know you’ve had this feeling before, the one when you’re surrounded by people, a few or many, who just don’t get you. Maybe you can’t quite pinpoint it, maybe you think it’s you, but either way, you don’t feel comfortable in that time and place and it’s giving you anxiety and an uneasy feeling in your belly. I’ve been there many times my friend, and a lot of those times I just dealt with it. I’ve chalked it up to me being the weirdo, maybe I’m the socially awkward one, or perhaps I was in a ‘‘mood’. Well, those things could all very well be true, but it doesn’t change the fact that I was getting a bad vibe and I trusted that sucker with my life!
I believe there is energy in everything, good and bad, it’s all around us. There’s energy in the universe, at our jobs, on the highway when we’re stuck in traffic with a bunch of other people who are also surrounded by energy. Our spouses have a certain energy about them, our pets, friends, kids, even our homes, cars; yes, maybe I really am the weirdo, telling you that I think inanimate objects have energy, but so be it! I’m not talking about spirits or ghosts or anything of that nature. Nor am I denying their presence around us either, but that’s just an entirely different animal, if you will. Energy, it’s the feeling you get when you meet someone for the first time and when you part ways, you either feel good and say something like ‘I like them! I look forward to getting to know them better!’ or ‘Ugh, I’m not a fan, I hope I don’t run into her again. (Could totally be a him, just throwing personal pronouns around!)
I think most of the time my life is surrounded by good energy and good vibes, I try really hard to make it that way! However, as you’re well aware, there are a lot of situations you have zero control over. This is where the bad vibes can sneak on in and mess with your juju. Another thing, sometimes you’re just going about your life, and in walks a new situation, let’s say you fully embrace it (just for fun!) and bam(!), it’s just not your bag, baby.
I can tell you about a time that sticks out in my mind and maybe you can relate. I was working for a country station in Providence, RI about 5 years ago. A lot of times I’d get asked to volunteer at charity events, and if I was available, I’d usually say yes. This one event I agreed to do sounded really nice! It was in Newport, RI (if you’re not familiar, Newport is a very wealthy, popular summer town, with mansions and beaches). I knew a couple of people who would be there and they told me it would be a really fun time. Sure, sign me right up! Well, I got there and as soon as I walked in the door, number 1, I was severely underdressed (isn’t that the worst?!), so I immediately felt like hiding in a hole, and number 2, super duper bad vibe the second I walked in. Ahh, I had just walked into a really upscale well-to-do event. Oopsie. I didn’t fit in and every person in the room let me know with their eyes and body language. These people were dressed in brands of clothing I’d only seen in movies, and I was walking in thinking Express was high end. Yikes. I also wore clogs to this event, please be gentle, this was clearly a not-so-great day for me. (Seriously Loren, clogs, why would you wear those even to take out the garbage?) Anywho, so I did manage to see one person I knew there, who is so nice and kind by the way, and I couldn’t understand why she was a part of this jerk fest.
During my time volunteering, I was ordered around and treated pretty poorly, like I was a servant of some kind. I had no idea how to react to that behavior (not so great with conflict over here), so I just sucked it up. I put on a fake smile and tried to grin and bear it. At one point during the event, I noticed a group of women, grown women, discernibly staring, pointing and laughing at me. I’d never felt so stupid and worthless in my life. I am pretty sure they were making fun of my shoes, which I now sort of understand why, but still, it was mean!! I held my breath, promised myself it would be over soon and waited until I got safely to my car to cry. THEY WERE NOT MY TRIBE.
When I am faced with an incident like that, I try to remind myself of the good people and good vibes I’m typically surrounded by and attempt to mentally go there, even if I can’t physically go at that moment. It makes me feel incredibly grateful that am usually surrounded by good! This brings me to another situation similar in nature, but not nearly as bad. Again it was a radio related event that I was a part of, and as soon as I arrived, I could feel it. These are not my people and this is not my vibe. The people weren’t mean this time, thankfully, but they weren’t nice or welcoming either, they just acted like I didn’t exist. Ok, well whatevs I guess. I tried to accept it, but it was hard, I wanted to be included too. It was blatantly obvious I was not considered their equal, like even as a human being, never mind on a professional level! I don’t play that way, in my eyes, we’re all equal. Human to human, I don’t care what you do, what you look like, what color you are, you bleed red just like me and we both put our pants on the same way, we’re equal. Not one person is better than anyone else and I refuse to subscribe to that method of thinking.
So back to the event, it was a multi day radio thing and each day, I got the same unwelcoming,off-putting vibe from the same people. At one point, I was trying to make conversation and was met with the back of someone’s head, like this person could not even bring themselves to look me in the eye when speaking to me. I kept saying to myself, deep breaths, this is almost over, and when it is, you don’t have to do it again, hooray! It also further substantiated how I already felt about treating everyone equal. I was now more determined than ever to treat everyone with kindness, not only because I was so upset at how unkind people were being to me, but also because I was trying to make up for what they were lacking towards others!
Thankfully I am now far removed from that negative vibe situation, but I think about it and other situations like it sometimes. I try to remind myself that those people are not my tribe and that’s not my vibe. I will probably find myself in a similar situation at some point again, and you will too. Approach it the same way you do with situations and people you are comfortable with, by staying true to yourself and simply being you. You’ll discover your tribe and your vibe soon enough, and the cool thing is, there’s good vibes everywhere and way more people that belong in your tribe than those that don’t! The universe is pretty good at aligning that stuff for us! It’s like when someone meets their soulmate and they say ‘when you know, you know…’ well, when you find your “people” and the vibe that flows best with you, trust me, you’ll just know.